Any Book Can Be a Learning Tool

Last night, I stayed up reading far later than I should have. Today, through the hangover like haze, I can see that it was a huge mistake, not only because I'm tired and I should be cleaning the house for a parental visit and family dinner tonight, but because the book wasn't good. At all.

So why did I keep reading a book that delivered on almost nothing it promised? Part of it was the hope that the book would pick up speed. I don't like to think that I wasted my money, even if it was only a few dollars, so I'm the type of reader who holds out hope that if it's in print, it will get better.

Unfortunately, with self-publishing being all the rage right now, you can no longer trust that every book is going to be a good one. Or even a semi-decent one. I could throw together some of the first stories I ever wrote without looking at them and have them listed online by the end of today. That doesn't mean anyone will feel satisfied after reading them, so I won't do it. To me, if I'm going to put my name on a book and sell it, there has to be value to the reader. If there's not, those first time readers will run the other way when I publish something else. Which is what I will probably do with this particular author from now on.

Once I realized it wasn't getting any better and probably wouldn't, I kept going. Why? Because I'm getting ready to write my first novel and if this book wasn't a shining example of how to structure a book, it could be a tool for me. I wound up making mental notes of everything that annoyed me about the story and the characters so I can avoid those issues like the plague in my own novel.

What annoyed me the most, yes, even more than a bad storyline with flat, unbelievable characters, is the fact that at the end of the book, she not only asked for reviews, but she is having a giveaway and the way to enter the contest is to write a review. Personally, I think it's tacky to ask for reviews IN your book, but to go one step further and hold a contest for those who share reviews, that's over a line for me. I wonder what my odds of winning would be if I wrote an honest review of the book. Is the winner going to be someone who proclaims that this is a work of literary greatness or does someone who says "an editor would be a better use  of your money" have a chance to win?

I'm not a seasoned veteran in the world of writing. After years of dabbling, I'm just now beginning to take myself seriously, so I could be completely off-base with my opinions. At the same time, I'm not putting this out there as a professional writer, I'm putting this out there as an avid reader who also happens to write. In my "other life" I help bloggers learn how to improve their sites and one of the most common pieces of advice is that if something annoys you when you're reading, it's probably a good idea to not expect others to like it when they're reading what you've written.

Why I'm Here

Someone asked me today why I have started this blog when I already have one I post on somewhat regularly. The truth is, I'm scared. I'm just getting back to writing creatively and I'm not sure I'm ready to put it out to an established readership that may or may not enjoy reading what I've written when they're used to reading mommy ramblings.

Perhaps the day will come when I feel comfortable sharing this side of my life with everyone, but for now, I need a place where I can still have this outlet, where I can begin to grow as a writer, as opposed to a blogger. It's been a passion of mine for over half my life, it's time to see where it leads.

Next month, I'm taking part in NaNoWriMo, where I will write a novel in one month. It will be a rough draft, but I'm doing the groundwork now to make sure that it's a rough draft I can do something with once I edit it.

Over the next few weeks, I plan on introducing myself to some of the characters through this blog. We need that get to know each other time before the chaos of November rolls around.

If you're participating as well, I'd love to catch up with you!

Changes Ahead

When I was a girl, I had dreams like every other girl. Someday, I'd meet the man of my dreams, we'd fall head over heels in love and live happily ever after. Unfortunately, I'd had over a decade since those dreams had started to fade and reality set in. Happily ever after was, apparently, not something that every woman could rely on.

Even though I knew this day was coming, it was still nerve wracking as I pulled down the gate on the moving truck. While Josh and I once had a love that was hot and sultry, I know now that when a relationship started with fireworks, there wasn't a strong foundation to hold things together when the fireworks faded into the night. If I was being honest with myself, the fate of our marriage was sealed before we had been married a year. Fear of facing my family and letting them know their apprehensions about my choice of husband kept me in that marriage for almost a decade.

Josh knew it too. Unfortunately, while I was hanging onto the frayed edges of our marriage for dear life, he was holding onto Erica, his curvy co-worker. For over three years, I remained oblivious to the fact that there was an empty hotel room at every conference they were sent to because they used those moments in strange cities to forget their spouses back home. It wasn't until Erica became a bit too comfortable and answered the phone in Josh's room that everything became crystal clear to me. 

As I sat on the couch, my overloaded brain trying to decide which emotion was going to boil to the surface, I knew it was over. The pieces of the puzzle started to fit and I knew that Josh had given up long before that moment. Surprisingly, it was calm that overcame my body. While I was hurt and shocked that he was with another woman, I was strangely okay with it. Knowing that he had left me emotionally and physically, I felt freedom for the first time since he had moved us 500 miles from our hometown. 

By the time Josh got home from Atlanta, all of the arrangements had been made. I had called my brother and asked him to find me an apartment. While he was my little brother, Adam had always been my protector. He had never liked Josh and once told me that I should listen to him because his instincts were as honed in as those of Timber, our family dog. I laughed, telling him he was wrong, that Josh was a good man, just hard to understand. And now, I had to eat my words and tell my baby brother that he had been right and I had been wrong. 

Adam was kind enough to not pry, he simply asked me what I needed and when and told me he'd find something. Two days later, he called to tell me about a quaint apartment in a renovated Victorian home on the outskirts of town. He knew I would want to shut out the outside world when I got back to town and figured this was the best place to do so, the quiet cul -de-sac butted up against nothing but corn fields and the only people who would be on the street were those who had a reason to be there.

That night, I told Josh I was going home. My declaration was met by indifference. "I am sorry, Julie," he whispered, not able to look me in the eye, "I shouldn't have done what I did. I should have left a long time ago."

"How long?" I asked, not wanting the answer but needing to know how long he'd been seeing her.

"Julie, stop. There's no point."

"Yes, there is. You owe me that much." Sitting at the kitchen table, it felt more like I was watching a show on television than being a part of this peaceful dissolution of a decade of marriage. "I wouldn't have kept trying if I knew it was pointless." I lied. Until this moment, walking away was something I was never able to do, no matter what hell I had been through. 

He looked as if he had just been slapped. "Too long. I'm sorry."

And with that, he walked out of the room and I was alone. It was then that everything hit me. I broke down, sobbing into my cup of tea, realizing that the happily ever after I had dreamed of wasn't meant to be. I knew it was coming, and yet I felt ripped apart inside, lost and alone.